Nervous Breakdown Cake
* Approximate preparation time: One week (168 hours)

Ingredients:
-One fifteen pound medicine ball
-One husband (preferably one with no concept of responsibility and without the “spend time with wife” priority)
-10 ounces of time with that husband
-40 ounces of regular job
-14 ounces of housework
-2 ounces of grocery shopping
-6 ounces of meal preparation
-168 ounces of constant pain
-56 ounces sleep (interrupted every 30 minutes to dispose of waste)
-Lots of Hormones (as long as you have a lot of wild ones, the amount and type doesn’t actually matter)
-The most important thing in your life which happens to require your mental and physical well-being.

Steps:
1. Swallow fifteen pound medicine ball.
2. Mix in a large bowl the following: 40 ounces of regular job, 10 ounces of time with husband, 2 ounces of grocery shopping, 14 ounces of housework, 56 ounces of interrupted sleep, and 6 hours of meal preparation. Blend until chunky, sticky, and the color and consistency of vomit after General Tso’s chicken and Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream.
3. Toss hormones very thoughtlessly into a separate bowl and beat with a wire wisk until positively unrecognizable. Grab hormones, walk across the room, and throw them into the first mixture.
4. Fold and knead batter for 45 minutes with your hands—make sure your fingernails are long and piercing.
5. Spread very thinly over a 9 x 13 inch cake pan.
6. Bake at 1000/F for 112 hours.
7. Remove from oven when batter has risen in the middle and fallen and burnt on the sides. Do not remove before nasty scars have permanently defaced the entire visible portion of the cake.
8. Let the disgusting heap cool.
9. Ice heavily and completely with 168 ounces of constant pain.
10. Sprinkle with surprise of husband taking a part time job at a comic book store without discussing it with you while:
a. You only have ten ounces of time with him a week anyway
b. He says he barely has enough energy to help you around the house with a few of the things that you have to ask him five days in a row to do anyway, much less anticipate what you need help with besides watching TV after working 46 ounces a week at his regular job.
11. Throw the cake into a large fan.