Amelia's strong little feet are up in my ribs today, kicking around and making my breath short and my chest hurt. I can feel her litte hands tickling me. It's hard to believe she is surrounded by amniotic fluid and placenta and all kinds of fat and gross stuff because I can feel every little movement like she's touching right on the other side of my skin.

She is coming soon. I don't feel like she'll stay in there the whole time, but maybe she will stay in there the whole time and longer. I just feel like it is so soon. Whether she stays in the whole time or not, she's coming soon. My due date is about 1.5 months away. I haven't done anything or gotten anything. Her "stuff" consists of a bunny, a diaper bag, lots and lots of wonderful hand-me-down (the best kind because you know they work!) clothes, some toddler shoes, three bottles, a bath thing, and an elephant. She has a disassembled bed and changing table/dresser sitting at my parents' house.

I think I am itching to do that whole nesting thing. I've started it around the house already. Everything is getting cleaned and organized. I am excited to put little lavendar sheets in her bed.

Love is the craziest thing. I love her so much. I took for granted my relationship with my mom for soooo long. We've always had a good relationship, I think; and now, it is great! But since I got pregnant and especially since I started feeling like I am getting to know my baby a little bit, I really misunderstood how my mom feels about me and Russell. I can't believe I ever argued with her or yelled at her or said I'd rather go out than spend time with her. Why can't kids feel that bond like the mother does? Maybe I was just a brat and didn't feel it; maybe Amelia will.

I am so excited for this. I feel like such a kid still, but I'm going to be a mom. I'm going to be completely responsible for another life. I'm pretty responsible for a lot of the things in Luke's life, but he could make it without me. Amelia is going to need me for everything. She's going to learn everything she knows from things I allow in her life. She will be scared of things I allow to intimidate her. She will love things that I allow to be introduced to her.

I had to go back and change up the baby registery today. I get intimidated by all of the decisions I have to me. Which stroller?! Which carrier? Which car seat? All of these things are things that will keep her safe and I have to decide judging from what other people write about them. Lots of pink though.

I can't wait to see her baby face and smell her baby skin. I can't wait to have someone beautiful to look at all the time. I can't wait to clean up her toys. I don't want her to grow up too fast, but I can't wait to experience so many things. I can't wait to put little pigtails in her hair and take her to the eye doctor. I can't wait to see her taste ice cream for the first time. I can't wait to read her clumsy handwriting when she learns to spell her name. I can't wait to laugh at the cat running away from her because she pulls her tail.

Yesterday, I had a talk with Naarah, my cat. I told her that Amelia would be here soon and she's going to be scary. I told Naarah that Amelia will love her but she won't understand her and she'll probably pull her tail. I told her that it won't hurt because Amelia wont be strong so she shouldn't freak out but just be understanding and not such a princess. I think she understood. I laid with that cat and Amelia kicked her through my belly and Naarah just laid patiently beside me.

I am crocheting bunnies. The first one I am making is for another baby. I am going really slow and can't seem to get motivated. I'm sure that when I make Amelia's bunny I will be more motivated.

I can't find baby clothes hangers anywhere. I want to go through the clothes that I have and pick something out for her to wear home.

I wonder what color hair and eyes she will have. I wonder if she will need glasses and braces. I wonder if she will like dogs or cats. I wonder if she will think fish are beautiful. I wonder if she will like to eat fish. I wonder if she will like strawberry ice cream. I wonder what age she will be when she starts to want a cell phone. I wonder if she will carry a toy with her. I wonder if she will be neat or messy. Shy or outgoing? I wonder if she will be okay with a camera always taking pictures of her. I wonder if she will want to go to Disney World and if she will like to swim. Will she be left handed or right handed? Will she be artistic or sporty? Or both? Will she be ditzy like me or have loads of common sense like Luke?

I never run out of things to think about now. :)