morning eyes
petal fingertips
at the top of my spine
the relief of your lips
a sparrow in her nest
for the night
I crave tender minutes
with you like a mandolin

Today, my husband, Luke, and I have been married for two years. Two years sounds like a really short time, but it feels like forever ago. I don’t remember much about that day because, honestly, I was just trying to get everything over with so I could finally just spend some time with my new husband and finally live with him.

In those two years, we’ve gotten to know each other better than anyone else in the world knows us. We’ve shared interests with each other and become mutually interested in each other’s interests. I watch strange crime investigation and hospital dramas with him and he watches family/reality shows with me. I read comic books and he reads…comic books. Some of my friends have become his friends.

Also in those two years, we’ve learned how not to hurt each other. We are kinesthetic learners, so we learned how to not hurt each other by first hurting each other and forgiving each other. I think we are both very lucky to be with each other because of the way we forgive each other. Forgiveness is hard, but we really love each other and it is worth it.

At the end of February 2003, we went on a youth trip with our church. We had probably already known each other for about two years and according to him, he had a little “crush” on me on and off for a little while, but I was with someone else most of the time. In Gatlinburg, we ended up together quite a bit and I really can’t remember why other than he was funny and charming and I think my little-sisteresque person at the time was starting to like him. (Oops. I didn’t know.) So, we stuck together that weekend and the night we all went back home, I had a message on ICQ (Who remembers ICQ?!) from Luke telling me that he had such a great time and enjoyed getting to know me and that he valued our new friendship and all of that stuff that you say to someone you’re interested in but aren’t sure if they think of you as more than a friend or not (which I did). Both of us being shy and silly, we talked online a lot and a little bit when we saw each other at church. He joined in sitting with me and my friends and I sat with his friends some. Without revealing too much of what I said (because it is kind of embarrassing and hilarious and totally out of character), we’ll just say I told him how I felt and he said he felt the same way and we were both being shy and silly and had a hard time getting things started. I drew the whole thing out too long, but finally decided that I really did like him and decided to date him. “I’m eighteen. This isn’t as if I’m planning to marry him or anything!”

On May 3, 2003, we started dating and on May 5, 2003, I went to the Dominican Republic—So Monday, when he went to school and was finally able to tell his friends and they asked, he said “well…she’s in the Dominican Republic.” But when I came back, we saw A LOT of each other and then in August 2003, I went to college and we only got to see each other on the weekends and talk periodically on the phone (long distance back then!) and online. In 2005, he came to college and made some decisions that I didn’t agree with and one in particular that made me break up with him as soon as I found out about it. September 16, we broke up and that caused me to be sick and lose a lot of weight and let my grades and standards slip a bit. November 13, 2005 (the day before his birthday), we got back together after we both cleared our heads of all of the garbage. On February 11, 2006, he took me out in the snow at Little Beaver State Park (where we went the most when we were dating), onto the dock (over water, which he is afraid of), cleared the snow, carved “LAS + LAS” surrounded by heart and asked me to marry him. I don’t remember what he said because I was pretty excited and cold and worried because we had slid all over the roads on the way out there. I said something or just hugged him or something and he put the loaner ring from Kay’s on my finger. (They ordered the wrong cut on the wrong color base in the wrong size…hah-our luck never changes.) And we went trudging back through the snow and back to Kay’s to give them the ring back, engaged, nonetheless. He took me home and I told my mom and he went home early because the roads were so terrible. July 8, 2006 (we planned fast!), we got married, ran out of the sanctuary to a Bright Eyes song (our song-which everyone loved even though it was Bright Eyes!), and took our bowling bag full of clothes to Country Inn and Suites for our one-night pseudo honeymoon and ate at Ruby Tuesday.

We lived together in Princeton with our amazing little cat (from Augusta!) until April 2007. Then we moved to Bluefield into a crappy basement apartment with our amazing little cat, a good landlord until April 2008. Now, we live in Pounding Mill, Virginia in a house with our amazing little cat and our amazing little daughter on the way!

This morning, the second anniversary of our wedding, I call to him (again) to wake up so he can go to work. He shuffles in his underwear and under shirt into the living room (where I am working due to pain) yawns generously, says “HEY!” with a huge smile, lifts his shirt up and smacks his belly about nine times, watches me laugh for a good 45 seconds because I am sitting here reflecting on our life together while he is smacking his belly, and shuffles off to the bathroom to shower.

After all of the good and bad and hard and hilarious that we’ve been through, I really wouldn’t trade it at all-not a second-not when I made mistakes or when he hurt me or anything. I don’t think I could be happier than I am right now. I’ve thought that many times in he past handful of years, but it just keeps getting better and I just keep getting happier.

All of these years, we've learned that falling in love is really a process. It isn't something we did in Gatlinburg, or any certain time we were together or apart or anything. It has been a five and a half year process and we just keep going. Our love is far from what it was in May 2003; I definitely don't love him like that anymore. And I think that is the best way--to have an ever changing love and as long as it is real love, it will never change so that we can't do it anymore. If our love never changed, we wouldn't love each other anymore. That's something we talk about every now and then--"falling in love" and how it works. We're still falling in love.

Name that stain.

Me: What happened to your shirt?
Luke: What is it?
Me: A brown spot
Luke: Let me see.
(Imagine the looks on our faces when he says that--that's funny anyway. Like I can show him the spot on the back of his shirt? He takes his shirt off and looks a the stain.)
Luke: Found that piece-a cookie.

So close
we breathe
the same air
and get high
on each other's
carbon dioxide
and crack up
until we feel sick.

My lungs never fill enough
with the thick, sweet
smell of your beard.
I welcome snuffs, sneezes
after the tickle of your
too long moustache
under my nose
when you kiss me
goodnight.
In a few hours,
you'll creep into
our warm bed
and your hot legs
will sneakily find
their way to startle
my cold ones.
We'll dream of each other
in our imperfect sleeps
waking, knowing that
even our dreams
aren't as good as
our reality.
I miss you
when we're apart
even if you're
only at work
for the evening
while I pat
around our farm house
in bare feet
making your sweet tea
revering the swell
in my body
that is your child.
Your hummingbird eyes-
perfect sage green,
my favorite color-
are the only ones
I never shy from,
can make contact with
not feeling exposed,
naked, vulnerable,
ugly, but instead
happy, content,
sometimes beautiful.
The grandest coop
to roost
is under your arm:
my head on your chest
and your heartbeat
reverberating in my ears.
Love isn't the right word
for any of this, but
no such word or
combination of words
ever did or will exist.